


Calamitous Faux Pas

by TheseusInTheMaze



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Anxiety, Background Holly Conrad/Ross O'Donovan - Freeform, Child Discussions, Creampie, Crying, Cunnilingus, F/M, Feelings Jam, Penis In Vagina Sex, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 20:51:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15916014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/pseuds/TheseusInTheMaze
Summary: Dan sticks his foot in his mouth, rather spectacularly.





	Calamitous Faux Pas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HerbertBest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerbertBest/gifts).



Dan held Holly against his chest, idly browsing through Reddit, answering questions.

He liked it like this - her head tucked under his chin, her eyes shut.

It was a bit like petting a cat, only... well, not like petting a cat, for obvious reasons.

Less purring, for one thing. 

"Heh," said Dan, and he chuckled.

Holly cracked an eye open, looking up at him.

"Did someone ask you something particularly dumb?"

"Just what I'm planning for the next five years," said Dan.

"Mmm?"

She stretched, making a sleepy noise, and he ran his fingers through her hair.

He liked the darker color, although it kept tripping him up a bit - he missed the pink, a little bit.

But wow, was she adorable.

His heart was singing, and he was just... gooey. 

Who knew he could be this gooey?

"Yeah," he said. 

"What have you got planned?"

"Not much of anything," Dan said. "Keep this trajectory. Maybe have a kid."

And Holly just... froze.

He hadn't realized how comfortably she'd been cuddled up to him, but here she was, going completely stiff.

"You want to have a kid?"

"I mean," said Dan, "before I'm, like, fifty would be ideal."

"Right," said Holly. 

She was sitting up, rubbing her eyes.

She looked positively _full_ of anxious energy, which was, in turn, setting Dan off.

"You okay, Hols?"

"I'm fine," she said shortly. "You wanna order some dinner?"

"Yeah, sure," he said, although he was working hard to keep his face from doing anything. 

Her whole body looked... tense, and he didn't want to upset her too badly, but he also wanted to find out what it was.

Had he poked something delicate?

It seemed like it. 

"What do you want?"

She had scooted away from him, and now there was space between them. 

It was a thick, uncomfortable space, as if a wall had been erected between them. 

"I'd like, uh... I could go for sushi," said Dan, and he cleared his throat.

"I'll get my laptop," she said, and she was getting up.

... brrr.

Okay, he'd definitely fucked up.

He wasn't sure _how_ he'd fucked up, exactly, but... it was clearly bad. 

He'd have to sort it out - he couldn't _stand_ having Holly be mad at him. 

But she was an adult - she'd tell him if she was mad at him, right?

* * *

Holly didn't tell him, and she called off the rest of their date, citing a headache.

She gave him a peck on the mouth, then went back home to Ross, and Dan tried not to let his distress show.

... fuck.

He'd fucked up, hadn't he?

What was he going to do?

He flopped onto his couch, in his empty apartment, and he covered his face with both hands.

Okay.

He could deal with this, right?

Right.

* * *

"Hey, Bri?"

"Mm?"

"Can I ask you an awkward question?"

"You've never been stopped by awkwardness before," Brian said, his tone as dry as old bones.

Dan snorted, and he gave Brian the finger, across the table in the small cafe they were eating lunch in.

It was a small cafe, too - it barely qualified as a hole in the wall. 

It was three days after the AMA, and Holly had been sending Dan monosyllabic responses to his texts, and posting a lot of pigeon pictures on her Instagram. 

"Gee, thanks," Dan said, his tone deadpan. "I know I can always count on you for your supportive outlook.

Brian raised an eyebrow at Dan.

"What's got you in such a mood?"

"How did you... how did you and Rachel decide that you wanted to have a kid?"

Brian looked faintly surprised.

"Is this based on that AMA you had?"

"Kinda, yeah," said Dan.

"Well," said Brian, and he shifted at the table, his expression going faintly serious, "when we were first dating, we had a long talk about the fact that we both wanted to have a kid at some point, so it would be in the cards, should we ever get serious."

"Right," said Dan, and his stomach was sinking.

"Why?"

"Me and Holly... we never actually... had that conversation," said Dan. 

"What, never?"

"Never."

"Huh," said Brian. 

He looked surprised.

"And now... now, she's upset at me, because I said that I'd like to have a kid in the next five years, when we never even really... talked about that."

"Right," said Brian.

"So now she's kinda just... freezing me out, and I don't know how to deal with that."

"You could talk to her," Brian pointed out.

"I mean, yeah," said Dan, "but how do I even bring it up?"

"What are you stuck on bringing up?"

"How do I say, like "I feel like you're mad at me" without coming off as some kind of insecure jerk?"

"You could just embrace the fact that you are a bit of an insecure jerk," Brian pointed out.

Dan made a face.

"You think I'm an insecure jerk?"

Brian looked heavenward, as if he was asking for strength.

"I am saying that we all have our moments of insecurity," Brian told Dan. "I don't think that you, in particular, are that much of a jerk, but you have your moments."

"Right," said Dan, still not sure if his ego was okay with that.

"I am saying that if you want to make it work with Holly, you need to talk to her. Especially since this kind of thing is something important that you need to talk about."

"Right," said Dan, and he covered his face with both hands, groaning. "I'm the worst."

"You're not the worst," Brain said, in a bored tone of voice.

When Dan made eye contact, Brian winked.

Dan snorted, rolling his eyes, and Brian grinned back at him. 

"I mean it. Talk to her."

"Thank you, O wise and learned elder," Dan said.

He made "learned" into two syllables, just to fuck with Brian.

It was Brian's turn to flip Dan off.

Dan snickered, and then his amusement faded, just a bit. 

"What do I... say to her?"

"Ask her what she's thinking. Ask her why she's upset. Ask her what she's thinking about."

"Right."

"It shouldn't be too difficult," said Brian. "The two of you have been pretty open about your emotional stuff before."

"Yeah," said Dan, and he sighed. "I just... usually don't feel like I've committed such a calamitous faux pas."

Brian flat out stared at Dan, one eyebrow up.

"What?"

"That sure was a collection of big words," said Brian.

"I can use big words sometimes," Dan said, indignant. 

"Yeah, but usually not all at once," Brian said.

Dan snorted. 

"You'll be fine," said Brian, and he reached over, patting Dan on the shoulder.

Dan sighed, and he leaned into the patting, because we all need some affection sometimes.

"I'll go talk to her," Dan said. "We can sort it out."

"Exactly," said Brian. 

* * * 

Dan frowned at his phone, trying to figure out how to send the right message.

He'd been agonizing over it for almost ten minutes when Arin flopped onto the couch next to him.

"What's up?"

Dan glanced over at Arin, aware that his expression was probably guilty.

"What?"

"You look like you're trying to bend a spoon with your mind," said Arin. "What's up?"

"I said something kinda dumb to Holly the other day," said Dan, which was technically true.

He had actually said something dumb on Reddit, but Arin probably knew that already.

"So what are you stuck on?"

"How to apologize and explain myself," said Dan. 

"Just say "sorry I was a jerk, can we talk" and you should be good," said Arin.

"Is that your advice as a married man?"

"Nah," said Arin. "It's my advice as someone who knows Holly. She's a reasonable person. She's not going to hold a grudge against you, unless you did something particularly stupid, and if you did something particularly stupid, she would have had your drawn and quartered, metaphorically." 

"You think?"

"Oh yeah. She doesn't put up with any bullshit."

"Yeah," said Dan, and he smiled a bit in spite of himself, because... goddamn, but she was amazing. 

... okay, so he had it pretty bad.

"Exactly," said Arin, and he patted Dan on the shoulder. "You wanna send your super important message, and then start on our day job?"

"It still feels weird that we play video games as a day job," Dan said. "If you'd told my younger self my current career path... well, I'd be over the fuckin' moon, honestly."

Arin snorted, watching as Dan carefully tapped out the message on his phone, then hit send. 

It would be okay.

It would all be okay.

* * *

_Hey Hols - I'm sorry that what I said upset you. Would you wanna get together and talk about it?_

* * * 

Dan didn't get a chance to check his phone until he was done grumping for the evening, at which point he was just a headache with legs.

But he did have a message from Holly.

He leaned against his van, delaying opening it until it was unbearable.

His heart beating in his throat, he clicked on the little speech bubble, his eyes peeled on the screen.

_I'm sorry I've been distant. Been dealing with my feelings. Can I come over on Friday?_

Dan put a hand on his chest, his heart beating rapidly under it.

Okay.

So she didn't hate him.

That was good.

_Sounds like a plan! Anything special you want to do?_

_We can order food, watch a movie._

He sighed, relief flooding over him like a wave.

If she was willing to come over to his house, it meant that she wasn't dumping him, right?

If she wanted to dump him, she'd do it in a public place, so they could just leave.

Although doing it at his house meant that she'd be able to leave.

Not that he didn't want her to be able to leave!

Dan groaned, and pressed his forehead against the side of his car.

Goddamnit.

Goddamn everything.

Okay.

This would all be fine.

Absolutely _fine_.

* * *

Dan cleaned his house.

He couldn't entirely help himself - he was full of anxious, jittery energy - he didn't want to fuck anything up with Holly, he didn't want to make her feel like she was pressured, but he also wanted to make it clear that he was willing to make it work, because he liked her so much, because she was just _so_ amazing, and he just... adored her so much, and he didn't want to fuck anything up.

Maybe he was overthinking.

But he had vacuumed all over, dusted, and washed every dish, going over a few of them twice, just to make sure they were properly clean.

He then washed himself, making sure that he was as clean as he could get, even going so far as to wash his hair with the special shampoo that she had bought him.

It was a fancy shampoo, specially formulated for dry, frizzy hair like his.

He put on a nice button down, then realized that it might have implications if he was dressed fancy, and changed into one of his less... raggedy t-shirts. 

When the doorbell rang, he nearly jumped out of his skin.

He made sure not to run for the door, at least - that would be embarrassing.

He tried to at least _seem_ some flavor of put together as he stood in front of the door, clearing his throat, smoothing his hands across the tops of his thighs, and then opening the door.

Holly stood there, wearing one of her witchy black dresses printed with runes around the neck. 

"Hi," she said, and she smiled at him, her expression nervous.

"Hi," he said, and he leaned down to kiss her.

She turned her face away, and he got her on the cheek.

Dan's stomach plunged down towards his feet, and he stood up, stepping aside to let her in.

Fuck.

"Thanks, uh, thanks for having me over," she said, and she rubbed her hands together, shifting from foot to foot. 

"Of course," he said.

She was holding a pie.

It was a pretty impressive pie - the pastry on top had been cut into a lattice.

"It's, uh, it's blueberry," she said. 

“I like blueberry,” he said, and the two of them stood in his atrium.

“I should put this in the fridge,” she said, and then she was kicking off her sandals, making her way towards the kitchen.

He locked the door behind the both of them, and he followed after her.

“Are you okay?”

He put his hands in his pockets, leaning against the kitchen counter as she bustled around the kitchen, putting the pie in the fridge.

“Yeah,” she said, and she crossed her arms across her chest, shifting from foot to foot. “I’m sorry, I’m making it awkward.”

“I’m okay with awkward, if we can sort this out,” Dan said, and he realized, too late, that he might have sounded too… something.

Maybe he was overthinking shit a little bit.

She bit her lip, and then her words came out in a rush.

“I’m almost positive I don’t want children,” she said.

Dan blinked at her, slightly uncomprehending.

“What?”

“Kids. You said you’d want kids in the next five years, and I’m, like, ninety nine percent sure I don’t want kids. And if I did have kids, it would make more sense to have them with Ross, since we’re married.”

Dan nodded, comprehension dawning.

“Are you… are you worried about the fact that I said I want kids?”

“Well, duh,” Holly said, and a bit of her usual self came through. “That’s literally what I just said.”

Dan snorted.

He loved that she didn’t let him get away with anything.

There was something weirdly refreshing about that.

He rocked, back and forth, from his heels to his toes and back again. 

“I’m… I’m not going to leave you, just because you don’t want to have a kid with me,” said Dan. 

“I know that it’s important to you,” Holly said, her eyes on her feet.

She was shaking.

Dan longed to go closer to her, to wrap his arms around her and hold her to his chest, to rock her in that way that always helped her calm down, but… she was radiating very strong “do not touch me” vibes - he could practically _see_ them. 

Her hands were shaking. 

Oh god.

She licked her lips, and then she looked into his eyes.

“I… you know I love you, right?”

“Right,” said Dan, although his heart was soaring, just a little, even in this moment. “I love you too.”

“And… and then I felt like a jerk, because… because, okay, I thought that you were going to leave me because you wanted to have a kid with me, and I probably won’t change my mind.”

“Right.”

“And then I remembered that we’re polyamorous, and since we’re polyamorous, it’s not as if you’re going to be, like… abandoning me forever, just because you want to have a kid with someone else. And then I got jealous at the idea of you having that kind of intense connection with someone else, and _then_ I felt like a total jerk about it, because, you know, it’s not like you get jealous of me and Ross, and we’ve got a close connection that you and I don’t have.”

… huh.

Dan did get jealous of Ross, when it came down to it; he just didn’t talk about it much, since he mostly knew that it was irrational.

It wasn’t like Holly would ever choose him over Ross, or Ross over him.

It didn’t work like that. 

The idea of finding someone else - even someone else to have children with - was a bit of a strange idea, but then again, he’d never seen himself as being polyamorous in the first place, so go figure.

“I’ve been so… cold, because I’ve realized that I’ve been treating you like crap, and I feel bad about it. And also I worry that anyone who knows that we’re together is then going to assume that we’re going to have a kid, and I’ve already got enough people giving me shit about the fact that me and Ross haven’t had a kid yet, and aren’t planning on it.”

… shit.

Dan hadn’t even thought of that.

Yeah, there was a lot of pressure on Holly to reproduce, wasn’t there?

At least most people didn’t know about him and Holly. 

Still.

Crap.

“I was a jerk,” Dan said.

“No, I’ve been a jerk,” Holly said, and now she was crying.

Oh god.

Dan opened his arms up to her, offering a hug.

She took a step closer to him, stopped, and then she threw herself into him, her face in his chest.

She was sobbing, ugly sobbing, clutching at his shirt, which was going to be wrinkled.

It would probably have a wet spot as well, as her eyes streamed and her nose ran.

But he held her, rocking her and making soothing noises.

“Shh,” he said, rubbing her back. “It’s okay. You… you cry all you need, it’s okay.”

“I’m the world’s biggest jerk,” she mumbled, her voice rough from all of the crying.

“You’re not the world’s biggest jerk,” said Dan, keeping his tone soothing as he pressed his face into her hair.

She smelled like herself - her green shampoo, the faint woodsy scent of whatever she’d been doing outside. 

“I am.”

“I mean, you haven’t killed anyone, so that puts you head and shoulders above a lot of people,” he pointed out, which was perfectly reasonable, as far as he was concerned.

She made a wet noise that was something between a laugh and a sob.

“Killing someone makes you more than a jerk,” she mumbled. 

“I mean, yeah, but it certainly contributes to being a jerk,” he said, his tone earnest.

“... jerk doesn’t sound like a word anymore,” Holly said, and she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

“Does that mean you think you’re less of one?”

Holly rolled her eyes, her expression fond.

“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice quiet.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, okay?”

“... okay,” she mumbled.

“You’re okay,” he said, his tone firm. “I promise.”

“Okay,” she said, and she sighed, leaning into him. “So… to be clear, you’re not, like, expecting me to change my mind about having a kid.”

“Nope,” said Dan. “I’d never ask you to change your mind about something that important.”

There was a little pang of regret - he’d have loved to have a baby with her - he loved her with his bones, and the idea of them making a person together was… well.

It was the kind of hope that made her heart soar.

But no, if she didn’t want a kid, that wasn’t fair to her.

It wasn’t her job to hold on to his dreams, any more than it was his job to hold on to hers.

They both did their best to be delicate with each other, and that was the best that one could hope for, really.

“Okay,” she said, and then she turned her face up towards his, standing on tiptoe and kissing him gently on the mouth.

He kissed her back, just as gently, her mouth soft against his.

She shivered, holding on to his chest, and her rubbed her back, nuzzling into her temple.

“Are we okay?”

Dan was faintly embarrassed to ask it, but fuck it.

If they were going to be honest and vulnerable about feelings, he might as well be fully honest, right?

She nodded, and she sighed.

“Yeah,” she said. “We’re okay.”

“Anything I can do for you?”

“Just… don’t hold it against me,” she said. 

“I don’t,” he said. “I promise.”

“Right,” she said, and she threaded their hands together, squeezing his fingers. 

“Do you want to get food?”

“Let’s go out,” she said. 

“What, tonight?”

“Yeah,” she said. “We don’t have to go anywhere fancy,” she added quickly. “But… I want to go out.”

“Sounds like a plan,” said Dan. “Anyplace in particular you wanna go?”

She named a local restaurant that wasn’t too far and wasn’t too expensive.

“Totally doable,” he said, although he didn’t want to move - he liked holding her like this, his chin on top of her head, his hands on her hips.

She fitted so perfectly against him.

And okay, so maybe there wouldn’t be any children, but… well, making any choice resulted in not being able to choose other things, didn’t it?

Her eyelashes were ticklish against his cheek, and then she was reaching up to pat his face, gently.

“You shaved,” she said.

“Well, yeah,” he said. “I always shave before our dates, unless I need to grow a beard.”

“You look cute with a beard,” she said.

“It’s beginning to turn grey,” he said, as he carefully disentangled himself from her.

… okay, so he had a bit of a boner, which he was trying to will down.

“It makes you look distinguished,” she told him.

“I do appreciate looking distinguished,” he admitted.

“Exactly,” she said, and then she was turning her face up to be kissed against. 

He cupped her cheek in his big hand, his thumb against her cheekbone, his palm curved along her jaw, and he kissed her, a long, sweet, deep kiss.

She sighed into it, relaxing against him, and then she pulled back.

“If we start making out,” she said, “we’re not going to want to do anything else.”

Dan didn’t really see the problem with that, but Holly had set her jaw, and she was wearing that look of hers that meant that she meant business.

“So dinner?”

“Right,” she said. “You can kiss me all you want when we’re finished with dinner.”

“What, even in the restaurant?”

He was teasing - neither of them were really for PDA, although Holly still blushed, just a little bit.

“Don’t be a smartass,” she told him.

“I gotta be a smartass,” he said, his tone earnest. “If my ass starts to get dumb, the rest of me will probably follow.”

Thankfully, she didn’t say “probably,” which was a relief.

She did give him a Look, though, which made him snicker.

He offered her his arm, and then he gave a mock bow.

“Shall we?”

“Let us.”

* * *

They ate dinner.

It was a borderline vegetarian restaurant - a few different dishes with chicken or fish, but no red meat.

Holly ate a piece of roasted cauliflower that was roughly the size of her own head, which had apparently been seasoned in three different ways and was akin to communing with various gods. 

At least, according to her.

Dan, not being a big fan of cauliflower, had to take her word for it. 

She seemed more relaxed, at least, although there was still a bit of… tension between them, a tension that Dan wasn’t sure he could put his finger on.

He rubbed his hands together, and opened his mouth to say something when the waiter asked if they wanted dessert. 

He raised an eyebrow, and she smiled at him and asked for the check.

“I brought a pie, remember?”

“... oh yeah,” said Dan, and he blushed. “Sorry. Another calamitous faux pas.”

“Did someone get you a word a day calendar or something?”

Holly looked amused.

Dan snorted, and he leaned back in his chair, his hands behind his head.

“I can’t have a big vocabulary?”

“I mean, you can,” said Holly, “but usually you’re not throwing around SAT words with quite so much… vigor.”

“Maybe I’m just trying to impress you,” Dan said. “Didja think of that?”

“You don’t need to impress me,” said Holly. “I come to you pre-impressed.”

“You came to me with the knowledge that I broke your sword and that I once nearly burned my house down with a tea kettle,” Dan reminded her. 

“Well, okay, yes,” said Holly. “But still. You’re also a rock star, aren’t you?”

Dan preened under the attention, and Holly snorted, clearly amused. 

“So,” said Holly, “do you want to go back to your place and eat pie?”

“I feel like that’s a euphemism for something,” Dan said, and he waggled his eyebrows at her.

She gave him a Look.

“If you ever refer to any bit of my anatomy as “pie” I am going to kick you out of bed, out the door, and out onto the street,” Holly said.

Her expression was grim enough that he believed it, too. 

“Okay, okay,” he said, and then he was snickering in spite of himself. “I’ll never refer to any of you as pie. What about cake?”

She snickered.

“You really like to compare women’s bodies to food, don’t you?”

“Hm?”

“Peppermint creams,” she reminded him.

“Shit, sorry, no, I don’t mean that in, like, a misogynistic way or anything like that, just, y’know, uh… I mean….”

She kept looking at him, one eyebrow up.

He was blushing and stuttering.

She giggled, then began to laugh.

“Oh my god, Dan,” she said, and she reached out, patting him on the hand. “I’m yanking your chain.”

He opened his mouth to make a snarky comment.

“If you tell me that you want to yank something else, I swear to the heavens, I will get up and walk out of this restaurant right now, and you will have to figure out how to get home on your own.”

… he closed his mouth.

She’d never do that to him.

… he was pretty sure she’d never do that to him.

She grinned at him, and he grinned back - how could he not?

She wasn’t the girl of his dreams - she was better than that.

She was better than anything or anyone he could imagine.

* * *

The blueberry pie was very good.

“I always get the crust wrong,” Holly said, and she was wrinkling her nose, her expression annoyed as she took a bite of it.

“I dunno what you’re talking about,” Dan said, as he took another bite of his pie.

“It’s not… flaky enough, you know?”

“It’s still delicious,” he said, and he took another bite of his pie, making a big show of chewing it with gusto. 

Holly snorted.

“You flatterer, you,” she said, her expression fond.

“I’m just being honest, and you know it,” he told her.

She snorted, flapping her hand at him.

He took her hand, and he kissed it, right there in his dining room.

She blushed, and he turned her hand over, kissing her palm, then the inside of her wrist.

She had gone very still.

He kissed up her arm - the inside of her wrist, kissing the nose of one of her rats, then her elbow well, as she shuddered.

He had to get up, but he pressed closer to her, kissing up her arm, like something out of an episode of the Addams Family.

She sighed, leaning back into her seat, and she turned her face up towards him, as he began to kiss along her neck.

He kissed her mouth, and found it sweet, like blueberry pie, and like herself, as familiar as his own breath. 

She sighed, and seh turned more towards him, until her chest was pressed against his, and okay, his back was going to be killing him in a few hours, but _right now_... holy fuck, it was twenty different kinds of perfect.

He dotted little kisses against her mouth, then moved along her face, to the delicate spot behind her ear, to the gentle, sensitive place right under her jaw, and she was shivering against him, moaning, her hands fisted in the fabric of his shirt.

“Fuck, Dan,” she whined.

“Mmm?”

He nuzzled his face into her neck, then went back to her shoulder, biting gently, applying just enough force with his teeth to make her whine, her fingers digging into his shoulders.

“You’re… oh….”

“I am, huh?”

He was teasing, as he got on his knees, beginning to unbutton her dress.

He got three buttons undone, and then he was pushing her bra up over her breasts, to nuzzle into them, kissing along one of them, nipping the side of it gently. 

She sighed, her fingers going to the top of his head, tangling in his hair.

Her wrapped his lips around her nipple, sucking on it carefully, and she practically convulsed against him.

It was hard in his mouth, like a little pebble, and he pulled back, until only the very tip was in his mouth, as he flickered his tongue along the crinkled skin.

She whined, and he reached for her other breast, twisting that nipple between his fingers.

She was spreading her legs wider, as he kneaded at her other breast, and she was flopping back into the chair, clearly relaxed.

“That’s… nice,” she mumbled. “That’s really nice.”

“I do my best,” Dan said, and he kissed her, then nuzzled at her other breast, before taking that nipple into his mouth.

She was groaning, and she was rolling her hips forward. 

“Please,” she mumbled. “Please!”

“What would you like, baby?”

“Can you… can you please, please, can you eat me out?”

“Of course,” he said, and he grinned at her. “I’ve been hoping you’d ask for that.”

“... can you wash your mouth out first, though?”

She looked faintly sheepish.

“Hm?”

“You’ve been eating pie, so you’ve got, uh, you’ve got sugar in your mouth,” said Holly. “Do you mind washing it out?” 

“Right,” said Dan. “Just not with soap, right?”

He was horny enough that it was a bit hard to think in a straight line - his cock was throbbing in time with his heartbeat, and it was pressed up against his zipper, uncomfortably so. 

… he was pretty much stupid horny, and he’d be embarrassed, but fuck it. 

If ever there was a time to be horny, it was now.

“... of course not with soap,” said Holly, and she looked amused. “No, you just need to, y’know, swish some water around, you know?”

“Right, right,” said Dan, and he stood up, groaning a bit, because… well, it was hard on his knees, kneeling like that.

He took a slug of water, swallowing some of it down, spitting out the rest into his sink, and then he saw… Holly, kicking her panties off, and they looked wet and slimy.

Fuck.

He licked his lips, and he fell to his knees in front of her, his hands going up her thighs, to spread them wider.

She was lifting her skirt for him, but he was still disappearing under it, as he kissed up her inner thighs, tasting her sweat and her arousal.

She was wet and familiar against his tongue, musky and deep.

He moaned, pulling her closer, and he licked her, his tongue against her clit, then inside of her, kneading at his hips.

She squirmed against him, and her heels were digging into his sides, her hips rolling up to meet his tongue as he lapped at her clit.

She was moaning, quiet little pants, and Dan… Dan had to let go of her thighs, to unzip his jeans and take his cock out, stroking it with one hand, while he kept licking her.

He was barely paying any attention to his cock, honestly - it was all on her pussy, as he drowned in it.

It was all he wanted to think about, as she began to go rigid against him, her hands on the back of his head, holding him in place.

“Please, please, I’m so… please, Dan, please, _please_!”

He let her press him where she wanted him, and he licked and licked and licked, until she was fluttering against him, a gush of her arousal dripping off of his chin. 

She pulled back, looking at him, and she licked her lips, shivering.

“Do you want me to ride you?”

She asked it so casually, although she looked faintly nervous.

“Do you have a condom?”

“I’ve got an IUD, remember?”

He paused.

They had given bareback sex a try, a few times - she wasn’t so into it most of the time.

Apparently this was one of the times she was.

There you go.

“If you’re absolutely sure,” he said. “No pressure, you don’t have…. Oh, _fuck_ , Hols!”

She just… straddled him, and then she was sliding down onto his cock, clenching around him, rolling her hips, and Dan groaned, rolling his hips up, thrusting into her.

“Fuck, fuck,” Dan whined, and... fuck, she was so tight, she was so wet, she was still twitching from her orgasm, just a bit, as he put his hands on her hips, helping her ride him.

She rolled her hips, her head thrown back and her mouth falling open.

He wasn’t going to last long.

He was already on the very edge, from eating her out, from seeing her like this, her breasts bouncing with each thrust, her face red, her hair sticking to her face.

“Hols, I’m… so close, can I cum, can I cum in you, please, can I?”

“Do it,” she said. “Do it, Dan, do it, cum in me, please, I can feel you twitching….”

The pleasure that was cresting inside of him, getting stronger, and she was beginning to bounce faster, and then….

Fuck.

He came inside of her, the pleasure surging through him, his belly going nearly concave, his cock flexing in her as he shot wad after wad of cum into her, deep and hard, until his eyes were rolling back in his head, and he was lying flat on his back on his kitchen, still shaking.

“Fuck,” he said thickly.

“We just did,” she said, and she grinned at him.

He rolled his eyes, and she patted him on the thigh.

He grinned up at her, his expression sappy.

So he’d stuck his foot in his mouth.

It was good to know he was forgiven, at least.

**Author's Note:**

> Like this fic?
> 
> Want me to write you something like it, or something completely different?
> 
> Come talk to me on my tumblr, theseusinthemaze.tumblr.com!


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